Category Archives: feminism

First date sex?

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Girl, you gon’ cry
(Tears of joy)
Tears from your eyes
No cards or candy; gimme them panties
Girl, I’m your gift tonight
Girl, you gon’ cry
Tears from yo eyes
Don’t wanna disrespect ya, know I just met ya
But we both know we want…
First date sex
(You want)
First date sex
(I want)
First date sex
That don’t make u a groupie to do me
Girl, we both know we grown
First date sex
(You grown)
First date sex
(I’m grown)
This for my niggas
Sip ya liquor
Roll a swisher to this.

(Please pardon the use of the n-word, it’s not my doing of course.  For the rest of the lyrics,  click on the link below or copy/paste into your browser.)

http://www.metrolyrics.com/first-date-sex-birthday-sex-remix-lyrics-trey-songz.html

_______________________

I first heard this song, a remix of the original song “Birthday Sex” by new artist Jeremih, a few months back and I was kind of surprised.  Maybe it’s because I’m not as experienced as some people, who knows.  I started out kind of late in the game due to family upbringing (which wasn’t the best and was repressive at times).  I was of the understanding that it wasn’t really okay to have sex, or do much of anything else for that matter, on the first date .  It demonstrated that a woman wasn’t worthy of having a relationship because after all, if she had sex with someone that easily, why should a man take her seriously?

So when I heard this song, I said to myself (and others), “So this is the new “in” thing now?”

In general, women are seen as “less than” on a daily basis.  Women have numerous double standards placed upon them – staying “pure” until marriage, having very few (if any) sexual partners, working and being good mothers while getting paid less than men, etc. So it surprised me to see that the “rules” have changed.  It’s now “okay” for women to have first date sex, or even one night stands, and men won’t look at them any different and will even respect them in the morning.  Women can now do the same things that men do and it’s quite alright.  We’ve evolved from being Neanderthals to being on the same level in all aspects of our lives, especially when it comes to love and lust.

Or have we? Is this what really occurs – in Black culture across the Diaspora (and even in other cultures if you want to broaden the topic), do men find this okay?  Does it really work out the way that the above lyrics spell it out?  How do women think/feel about this?

And just a fun fact – the continent of Australia is #1 for one night stands.  Australians are quite alright with one night stands and, supposedly, don’t look at each other any different for it.  It’s very common there.  How funny that I’m going there at the end of this month.  It’ll be interesting to see this phenomenon in action.  (I don’t plan to take part in the phenomenon, but I’ll damn sure watch.  *wink*)

Discuss…..

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Fashion Notes: Silhouettes…

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[Image: Beyonce's Lair - that's me folks!]

One of my friends has agreed to make a dress for me in a few months so I have been thinking about what kind of shapes and silhouettes I want for my dress. I love this figure-hugging look that Beyoncé has in the Déja Vu* video.

It looks sensual, but not slutty. It looks the like the kind of dress that your husband wants you to wear lol. The only problem for me is the lack of straps on the dress, which would not work with my chest, trust me.

Dangerous Love: 1 in 7 Believe Women Should Be…

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I have been watching a BBC3 programme called Dangerous Love. It follows ex-Miss Great Britain Danielle Lloyd talk about domestic violence against young women. So far, (I haven’t finished watching it yet), it is disheartening to see young women have their self-esteem constructed within a male framework. It’s great to be in love with a man who wants you for you. A man who wants you to achieve your absolute your dreams. A man who wants to love you and take care of you.

Not someone who will knock you about like you are a punching bag. Continue reading →

Halle’s Comment

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Please go over to Black Women, Blow The Trumpet and read one of the most thought provoking posts I have read in a long time. Just fantastic. The post is called Black Divestment and Critical Returns. It has really made me think about something that Halle Berry was quoted saying.

[Image Source]

I just recently bought the new issue of ESSENCE mag with Halle Berry on the cover (full scans of Halle’s shoot to come in a few days time, I promise). In the interview, Halle talks about how she tried with Black men,  ie, she married two but she found love with a white man.

This is fair enough. I have always loved how strong and smart Halle has been and how pro-black she has been too. She’s a great role model. Her comment on the black men issue though has stuck in my head. It says a lot about what we as black women do go through. I know there are many black girls who want to marry a black man (me included) and there are plenty of black women who will date outside of their race too, both choices which are absolutely fine.

But what do you do when it just *doesn’t* work? I always find it powerful to see a black man & woman together in a relationship to me – it just looks organic and beautiful. However, I fully understand that quite frankly, this is nigh impossible these days.

So many things have made this difficult especially in the West. However, the number one thing that has made black-on-black relationships impossible to hold onto is the simple fact that there is a massive gap of understanding between black men and women.

There is a gulf between us and I can only speak for what I have seen in the UK in that black men have moved on from black women. At this point in time, it’s no longer about having a black girlfriend, it’s about having a woman as a trophy. Please remember I am not saying all black men but certainly a few.

However, my self worth as a black woman will not be created or judged by the choice another black man makes. In fact, I have moved on now. I know I am creating my own self worth from the choices I want for myself, ie my plans for my life. Of course, I’d love to have a relationship and be in love with a black man. It’s the Frantz Fanon screaming inside of me. But you know what? Maybe Halle is right. Sometimes you can keep trying and it simply doesn’t work.

As black girls, we have to fight for ourselves. It’s clear some of our men don’t care about us. And maybe that’s okay, because who really needs negativity?

Mashed Up: Revolutionary Road & Slinky Dress Silhouettes

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[Portions of this post are cross-posted @ my film blog, Crazy in Love]

I have to admit, I am a full blown junkie.

I cannot stop my addiction to the cinema crack. It just pulls me and tortures me with each new release that comes out this week. I went to see Revolutionary Road today in Wood Green. From my new found cinephilia, RR is probably the most thoughtful film I have seen this year (and as you can tell from my previous posts, I am definitely indulging in my cinema crack habit).

Revolutionary Road

Needless to say, Kate & Leo have so much chemistry together as a couple. They are like needle and thread; they seamlessly interact each other in such a natural way.

They were believable in Titanic and they are so believable in RR. They just look like a couple. I know they are huge celebrities and I hope I don’t sound extra writing this, but if you saw them bopping down the road, I could easily mistake them as a genuine couple. RR is prism of what could have been post-Titanic (Am I reaching?). It seems like this with each line, each glance that they both bounce off each other. I should be upfront and say that I love these two – I just think they are really organic actors, and it comes through on film.

The doyenne of the film’s supporting cast has a Titanic glow herself – Kathy Bates! Her son, John, played by a cutting Michael Shannon is definitely one person to watch. He has also won a supporting actor nomination for the Oscars for this film. For any James Bond stans, Shannon shares an uncanny resemblace to Jaws, honestly!

RR is a mournful and melancholic film, a slow burning exercise in the heartbreak relationships cause.

Fashion: The costuming in RR made me salivate! It’s given me loads of ideas for looks I would love to try out when my money situation improves.

rr-1

This is one of my favourites! I love how the belt just shapes and moulds the cut of the dress. Really cute. And is it just me or has Kate lost bare weight?

I think this picture is an outtake:

Just gorgeous. I love gloves and I think they complement the look here. I need to find a seamstress in Walthamstow who could do a cut like this for cheap. It’s too gorgeous. 

Notes

Revolutionary Road (2008/Director: Sam Mendes)

Recommended for: Kate & Leo stans & Drama genre fans.

Don’t watch it if: If you don’t have the patience to watch dramas.

My verdict: 4/5 coals

[Images: Diabolina Fashion Diary/All Movie Photos]

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EDIT @ 1 Feb, around 22:00: OMG, I just found the effing cutest and just loveliest interview ever that these two have done. They are too cute. 2 more pix & the trailer follow the interview.

Here are some excerpts:

Speaking of your private life, do you ever look at Kate and just think, ”Damn, she’s the one who got away.” [They look at each other and burst out laughing.]
WINSLET: Say it!
DICAPRIO: [With a weary groan] We’ve always been completely platonic.

And…

DICAPRIO: Then I did Man in the Iron Mask, but that was before Titanic had been released. I think?
WINSLET: Yes, you did Man in the Iron Mask and then you did Celebrity.
DICAPRIO: Thank you, Kate! [Laughing] I think it’s hilarious that I need to ask her.
WINSLET: May I? [Reaching over and rubbing her finger over DiCaprio's nose] You’ve scratched the top of your nose! Oh, no, we’re literally doing everything we said we wouldn’t do.
DICAPRIO: I know, this is a little too cute. It’s like out of one of those —
WINSLET: Don’t say it!
DICAPRIO: — one of those scenes from When Harry Met Sally… with the old couples. ”And I met her in the park in 1992! And she was…” ”Eating a hot dog!” ”And I was scratching my butt!”
WINSLET: Oh, my God, and look at me fussing over your face. I’ve literally turned into a combination of your mother, your sister, and, I don’t know what, your wife!
DICAPRIO: By the way, I really hate talking about post-Titanic because it always sounds to me in print like I’m complaining when I have nothing to complain about. That movie gave both of us tremendous opportunities for what we wanted to do as actors.

Here are some great shots:

leo-kate

leo-kate-2

Again, these two are too cute. Catch this film if you can. It was really good.

Charcoal Analysis: Adultery & Why Alicia & Angie Are Not To Blame

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angelina-bb

[Images @ Just Jared & Brown Sugar]

The other day, this brilliant Hallmark TV movie came on at 15:00. I was proper bored of my doing my specialism assignment so I watched it. It was called The Other Woman. Such a fantastic name for a polemic topic: adultery.

I am 100% against infidelity in relationships and marriage. Having said that, I don’t like this idea of one woman being the marriage wrecker.

I think it’s false and pretentious. Let’s look at two case studies I have chosen: Alicia & Angie

[Image @ Concrete Loop] Continue reading →

Who could be Wonder Woman?

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Today, I was at work and stumbled upon an article at Rope of Silicon, called Why The Comic Book Movie Industry needs a Female Superhero. The article stood out in my head and triggered feminist thoughts in my head about representation.

As a black African woman, it does not represent me as such but I do find strength in the idea that the image of WW exudes female strength.

Lynda Carter* is synonymous with the live-action concept of WW. She is a stunning woman, who had unbelievable body proportions when shooting the TV series. Honestly:

[Image found here]

If WW ever gets made in the near future, I think it will be one of those films that needs that actress, to ensure its’ success. I think the actress would need charisma, style, skill and charm to make it come alive…

…and she would have to have a heavy** figure LOL.

My list of potentials is as follows: Continue reading →