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Filed under Debate …
Mother of the prince.
I’m the oldest of my siblings born to my mother and the only girl. (My father has more kids than can be counted on 1 hand, but I digress.) I think that under the circumstances, I’ve done allright for myself. I’ve been on my own for quite some time – job/career, automobile, place to live, finished school, child-free, solo traveler, etc. I would think that many parents would be happy that their son or daughter was able to live out in the world and be self-sufficient, no matter whether they’re aged 21 or 61.
Apparently not. 
My oldest younger brother could be doing worse, but he’s definitely not doing stellar. He’s very intelligent but he doesn’t utilize it very much. Once he hit high school, he seemed to be more concerned with popularity than passing classes. He made it out of high school by the skin of his teeth but of course he looked good doing it, because goodness forbid he didn’t look good before he left the house. During high school, he was offered a chance to get into a well-known medical school program in which students were accepted upon high school graduation and finished everything in 7 years, becoming doctors in their 20s. He did excellent on certain tests, but his class grades didn’t match the tests and were so bad that the school couldn’t accept him. His grades were bad because it was more important to be cute and popular.
He graduated and went on to college out of state. He only lasted 1 year. He was cute and popular there too – to the point that he had zero credits. Oh, I forgot to mention – toward the end of his high school career, he met a girl and had sex with her within hours of meeting her. She got pregnant and decided to carry the pregnancy to term, my nephew. Isn’t life grand.
He returned home and tried community college. He only did 1 semester before deciding to quit. Instead, he met a woman, married her 6 months later, and joined the military without telling anyone until a couple days before he left for training. He cheated through their whole marriage, but they still had a son. Toward the end of the marriage, he met another woman, lied about his marital status, and ran off with her while filing for divorce. He got the other woman pregnant before the divorce was finalized and they had a son. They got married and later, had another son. But you get what you ask for because she didn’t leave after he admitted his true status, and he cheated on her too. Now he has a new girlfriend.
Please note that this is a very short version of the story.
You would think that any parent in their right mind would not condone this behavior because, after all, “I didn’t raise my child this way!” But there are plenty of mothers who support this behavior….. whether knowingly or unknowingly, whether explicitly or implicitly, whether overt or covert. Our mother in particular blames the women for his troubles because, after all, he tripped and fell in the p—y. Or the women seduced him. Right mothers? Isn’t that why your sons have “baby muhva/mama drama”?
This is more common than many want to believe. Mothers place their sons on pedestals and enable all kinds of dysfunctional behavior. Then the cycle continues and the ones who are most affected are the innocent children.
Have any of you had the same experiences? If you’re a man, have you experienced mommy dearest doting on you, spoiling you? How has it affected you? How has it affected the relationships between you and your parent(s) and between you and your siblings?
“Boys are loved and girls are raised.”
Discuss…..
‘It’s a black thang’ – You better tell her, Mike!
Aww!
[Image seen @ pnc's wicked blog, psychonappy] [1]
In the leaked phone conversation, at one point, Mike + Glenda are talking about a relationship and he says to her something along the lines of the girl had his nose wide open. Glenda doesn’t get it and Michael explains:
“It’s a black thang”
Do Looks Matter In Your Career?
I would invariably say yes. In the past few weeks, I have been documenting my attempts to lose weight. I am delighted to say that today I weight myself and… Continue reading
Shut The Fuck Up
I am so sick and tired of people who have no right to use the N word using it in jest like they are joking around.
If you are not black, why the HELL are you using that word? I don’t even like hearing black people use it but that’s another topic.
If you are not black, you cannot use that word even if you are joking around.
*Severely hacked off today after overhearing the word at university by someone who should shut the fuck up*
Versions of Colour Bias: Benicio del Toro & K.D. Aubert
BDT is my older man crush of the moment. When I was doing research for my review of Che: Part One, I was shocked to find Benicio del Toro referred to as the ‘Latino Brad Pitt’, by the Agence France-Presse nonetheless. Why does he have to be the ‘Latino’ version of Brad Pitt? Surely, he is just himself. Continue reading
The Tragedy of Shannon Matthews
Shannon Matthews was a 9 year old child who went missing earlier this year in Yorkshire.
The media jumped on the story. The northern town of Dewsbury rallied together to find the child. Many people feared that she was dead or even worse.
After a 20 plus day ordeal, Shannon was found alive.
This story has become frenzied and jumped upon b/c it turned out thatt Shannon’s mother, Karen Matthews basically created the whole kidnap herself. She convinced her boyfriend’s uncle to ‘kidnap’ Sharon so she could supposedly get away from her current boyfriend. But many people think that it was an elaborate plan to get loads of dosh.
Some newspapers created a reward fund norther of £20,000, a starting salary in Journalism by the way. What this woman did was indescribable. I mean, she was on TV saying she wanted her daughter back. And yet she knew where she was. It just blows my mind that a mother would put her own flesh and blood through a harrowing ordeal, where the child was kidnapped. It is mind-boggling and impossible to understand. Continue reading
My Man: Review of American Gangster & Other Thoughts
(image found here @ king-of-gossip)
I went to see ‘American Gangster’ last night with some of my friends as it has finally premiered in England and I enjoyed the film. It was slow burning but eventually was a cracker of a film. Washington – just burning and brilliant as usual, Crowe – no surprises her, his character was very likeable and felt real (this man has a good future if he STARTS taking good roles). Chiwetel Ejiofor was in this film and so was Idris Elba, 2 Black British actors who are rising stars in Hollywood. Ejiofor is particularly talented so I hope he gets some shine. As for the musical luminaries, they don’t get that much shine but that is not a problem because it’s not like you miss them anyway. In the company of so many talented actors, they don’t steal the show. But I liked RZA — I think he could be on his way; he had a small part but he seemed the most natural in front of the lense compared to the others. T.I was good too — he has improved and I also think he has a good future if he sticks to expanding his range and picks a good role. Don’t get me started on Common – I don’t want to burst anyone’s bubble!
This film was enjoyable but problematic as most films are. The problems arised in the characterisation of the female characters. The women were foils to the men as opposed to having their own feelings and auras. I suppose I had a feeling this would happen anyway but it would have been nice for the women to have fleshier roles. On a positive note, there were plenty of Afros in the film and I was pleased with that since I was rocking one too so I felt like I was connected with the natural film sisters lol.
Now, I will be the first to admit that I am a Denzel fan-a-tic. I really am an avid follower of his work despite him being old enough to be my father lol. He is a supreme talent and just jumps out of the screen. It is almost like you can feel him in the room with you. His performance was cool and calculated and had the trademark Denzelness. Love it! I think he is one of the few figures in the public eye that still has kept it real. Sure, his roles are ‘safe’ but he delivers them with such credibility.
One thing that annoys me a lot though LOL is why don’t the celebrities just get their real names on the credits? Seeing RZA at the end credits is just lame. Put your real name lol!
My question is, when will we see Denzel or any prominent black actor in another biopic? I think black actors are supreme in biopics! Look at Will Smith in ALI and My Man aka Denzel in Malcolm X. Just brilliant. If you could see a biopic of anyone who would it be and who would you like to play the person?
I would like to see a feature length film of Frantz Fanon. Hands down my top choice. The choice for who is a harder question.
-A-
A Case of Poison Ivy
The Voice is a Black British newspaper that has been active for decades. I checked it up today and was alarmed and disturbed to read the following story about Ian Wright. I have of course have commended Wright in the past because I think he represents. Keep reading the story to learn more. The author of the opinion piece is Dotun Adebayo who is a well-known journalist in Britain.
Adebayo writes:
If you continue reading the article, Adebayo goes on to talk about Wright in relation to Englishness and goes on to say that black people in Britain were black before they were British. It is a powerful piece but one that will fuck many people off in the UK of that I am sure. I don’t know when this is supposed to have happened and I am not sure if it is true because Ian Wright has denied it but it does hint to a major problem in Britain:
Why do so many black people *deny* or even stay away from their ‘blackness’? I am in no way part of the black police. I have been accused of being so ‘white’ by many of my own black people. However, I don’t let those unkind words pull me away from my heritage. Our blackness is part of who we are; can you be black and try and disassociate yourself with being black?
Fanon discusses alienation a great deal in Black Skin, White Mask. A lot of what he was discussing was in relation to being an assimilated Frenchman but this concept of alienation can wholly be applied today. Black people are alienated from one another. This case of poison ivy is what is keeping us apart because we do not want to be associated with one another.
Part of me wonders why. Why do so many people think African people and Caribbeans can’t marry? Why do people think these cultures are so binary when they both come from the same fountains?
I for one don’t want the sting of this poison ivy. I don’t see distinctions, just the fact that we can share so much. I saw a lot of this when I went to the Caribbean. Why can’t we just all get along?
Maybe this hits home for me because I have a Caribbean boyfriend. I am not sure. I just wish black people would get over their own prejudices!
A Brief Look @ The Dark Girl & Beauty
The cookie-cutter dark girl with the blue-contacts may not look upon the woman above for beauty advice. Coloured contact lenses are indicative of a yearning to change and be part of the ‘other’. Are dark eyes the opposite of what is beautiful for this dark girl who is on a quest to destroy her black-ness? Colourism manifests itself with the gateways to our souls as they are known because people want to stand out and be ‘seen’. Slavery and its’ shackles ensured that the dark people should be not only seen but ‘looked down on’. In a world we live in now where our ancestors have made considerable gain for us, we can finally be ‘seen’, judging by the success of singers and rapperws. Now that we can be ‘seen’ and not struck down by this, can anyone really blame the dark girl with the fake contacts if all she wants is a bit of attention?
According to dictionary.com, exotic can mean “strikingly unusual or strange in effect or appearance: an exotic hairstyle.” Is this definition laced with eurocentrism or can it be adapted to afrocentrism? It is safe to say that women of colour (black, Asian, Indian) are bound to this definition involuntarily in the Occident. Does a broad nose make a black woman exotic? Or does her naturally curly hair make her ‘different’? Exotic as a label is purely repugnance. It promotes the subtext that women of colour are spokeswomen for fetishism. This adjective puts us on a pedestal to be examined and gawked at. Saartjie Baartman who was ‘given’ a label that I will abbreviate as VH is a key example of how exoticism manifested itself to make women of colour stand on pedestals and be examples of difference in a negative light. Then again, is there really much of a difference of what happened to Ms Baartman’s to the video “models” of today’s 21st century?
What makes a woman pretty? That question could form the part of a doctoral thesis. I like to think that associations and symbols can create an image or aura of a pretty person, as opposed to just physical features. For example, Nas’ ridiculous, almost pathetic attempts to legitimise calling the N word for the name of his album lessen his appeal to me because he is associating himself and de facto trying to promote a word that was meant to crush black people worldwide. Someone who is conscious of their blackness becomes pretty to me because I share that ethnicity/race/heritage. Good looks are not all about slick hair and a banging body. I wish the girls who got excessive plastic surgery would realise that. The ‘good looks’ that we give our own people instead of cutting them down is what will transform us into timeless beauties. Angela Davis campaigned relentessly for what she believed in. Her Afro does not symbolise all of who she is but it is a symbol of a black woman coming to terms with who she is. That is what makes her beautiful to me because she embraced the curly roots of who she is.
