…too pretty, less masculine or what women really want?
I find Michael Ealy gorgeous. Definitely easy on the eyes. And no, it’s not because he has blue eyes either. I hate people who say that nonsense. But then again, I was thinking hard about the concept of beauty within black men. As a black woman, and like I have made evident on this blog, I like black men in more ways than one. Emotional beauty is more important than physicality, but with looks influencing how black people create their self-worth, I think it is important to discuss.
I used to be one of those girls who only liked dark skinned brothers. I think part of me was doing it because I hated the so-called mainstream society only bigging up light skinned brothers and ignoring dark skinned men, unless they were Denzel. My boyfriend is light-skinned so my spectrum broadened after that, and naturally I am open to dark skinned men & light skinned men.
I think how popular culture perceives light skinned men has been a complete conundrum. There is a long running joke in the black British community that dark & light skinned brothers go in and out of style, with there being a certain period where light skinned brothers are hot and then when dark brothers take the reign. It’s a joke but as with all jokes, there are remnants of truth in it.
I used the ‘too pretty’, ‘less masculine’ and ‘what women want’ phrases because I have heard black women refer to light skinned men in such terms. I think how black people view light skinned men is divided into two within popular culture:
- Aspirational prototype: I think this is where Michael Ealy gets lumped into. Men like him are seen as aspirational or what women want because of said person’s conventionally good looks, not necessarily because of the Eurocentric component but because that’s how the media outlets portray them. And also of course as how black communities portray light skinned men as a sign of ‘marrying up’.
- The ridiculous ‘clown’ type: As much as I think Redman is sexy, he does have this clown-esque vibe to him. And Yung Berg is a clown for pretty obvious reasons.
I hope no one thinks I am trying to put light skinned men in a box. What I am trying to do is show that that the image of light skinned men has been categorised by black popular culture into various prototypes, of which the two I mentioned above are part of, with celebrities supporting my arguments.
It is sad we have come to the point where we have to discuss light and dark skinned men but honestly, the more questions we ask about the social tones to the different shades of black people, the closer we will get to being successful as a race.
And’s that all I want.
Stay black.
–Aulelia–
I totally get where you’re coming form
one of the things that gets to me most is when dark skinned girls, like myself or even dark skinned guys happen to be attracted to a person who is lighter than them it’s suddenly seen as self hating, and people start to try and psycho analyse you by saying you’re only into him/her cause they have more Eurocentric features and so on
i think those people need to broaden their minds and understand that it’s possible to fall in love with a person’s mind or personality as well as being attracted to them physically
I don’t preference a certain shade, at first glance I might lean towards a darker brother. However, skin tone does not effect my final decision in picking a mate.
As for Ealy or whatever his name is, yeah, people are going to be struck by his eye color. That is because the color of his eyes are exotic. You’re not going to find a lot of black men with gray eyes. The dude has nice freaking eyes. The end
We African Americans are too sensitive when it comes to looks and preferences. Yeah it’s tragic that Caucasoid features are “worshiped” within the black community but there’s nothing you can do about it. Western media rules the roost and thus dictates what is beautiful. I say that black people should just focus on being the best people they can be. There is someone for everyone whether they be light or dark.
I’m just rambling, but you get my point………I guess.
Don’t really agree with your theory that they are exotic and therefore people should be struck. They should be struck by the fact he is just a good looking guy.
It’s important to fight these notions to stop thinking robotically about black beauty.
Being of the high-yellow persuasion, yet raised colorblind, I am extremely fascinated by all this..
It’s ALL associative psychology as far as I’m concerned; as we only trip off dis ‘ish’ once it’s introduced to us..jus’ look @ little kids…
The cup is either 1/2 empty or 1/2 full…
Me and my girlfriend, we are both light skinned. We’ve often joked about how we are not supposed to be together because she is supposed to like dark men, and I dark women. We went to a BET taping lastnight. She was telling me that last year she went they separated her and her friends because they were single. That there was a strategy to how the audience appears and that they have a preference for couples. Well, I joked that they would separate us because we were both light. And guess what? They did (though I dont know why for certain; we were the only couple seperated). They arranged us so we would never be on camera at once. I wanted to leave, but stayed.
All that said, I’m tired of the bullshit. I dont think you can use entertainment as a proxy for what is desirable among black people because all too often we dont control that. And even when we do, like the BET taping, they are part of a larger game in which they are bit players and go along out of necessity or inertia. I mean here are two live light skinned young people in love ready to show the world and we couldnt! It exists, but thats not what the media wanted you to see. Expanding on that point, just because Weezie and insert southern rapper here is all you hear on the radio doesnt mean that is what black folk are thinking – and likewise, just because morris chesnutt etc etc are hyped in some media outlets doesnt necessarily mean that is what black women think is attractive. Im not denying that media can influence things, but thats different. That doesnt have anything to do with our own complexes, rather it is one being imposed on us.
Further, even if the media were an accurate reflection, which i dont think it is, you have terrence howard, michael ealy, will smith, shemare moore etc all just as big as taye diggs or morris chessnutt, denzel washington, idris elba if not bigger. Yet some popular media that talks about these things would have you ignore these people and have you think a complexion is in or out. I just dont see it. Not to say there isnt colorism in our community, because there obviously is, but this focus on the media is misplaced. We just have to understand that thats not us. It is a depiction of us we play a very small part in besides being the end consumer.
And on a personal level, where alot of this colorism plays out, I have heard alot of girls outright hate on light skin black men. Say shit like he’s light though, or bla bla. I’ve heard girls diss light skinned women. Ive heard men of all complexions throw absolute salt and darker sisters based on them not being “pretty enough”. I havent heard too much about dark skinned men, but on the same token, it be the ones who speak loudest about a preference for dark skinned men, that often make themselves available to me – a light skinned man. Then would even date a white dude. A case of you are what you hate most.
I dont like that sort of attention from those sorts of women. Honestly, Ive fucked with so many dark skinned women with that jaded mentality, that wanna be with me because thats how theyve been conditioned (to hate themselves as a darker black person)), but hate me because on some level they see the contradictions, that I try to steer clear if I detect a hint. Oh you got “good hair” bla bla or you a pretty boy bla bla. And I NEVER had a visual preference, but on a interpersonal level, I’m finding I have a lot more in common with, and have less societal baggage I have to combat, dealing with other light skinned women. Is that a preference? I dont know, but its defintely shaping who I approach and try to talk to. Dont get me wrong, if i see a pretty woman with class, im probably going to say something regardless of complexion. But if I can only get at one and I know nothing about there personalities…hmmm….
And its not that hard, light or dark. confidence, attitude, sense of humor, intellegence, swagger is all you need. In terms of my dating game, Ive never felt “out of style” or not desired. Its just the opposite, in fact. Just a bit taken aback by my experience last night. I wanted to to start a website celebrating light skinned people who love each other. just to show it exists – not to hate or throw salt. I searched for a similar site already in existence and all I found was hate. Not cool.
I don’t think you read my post properly at all.
I’ve heard the whole “lightskin men are out of style” only on tv, though never in real life. I mean seriously how can a skin color be out of style lol, that’s just silly. From my experience, men who are seen as very attractive, no matter what their complexion is are often seen as players. Though one silly thing I use to hear in highschool was girls telling their friends how they would love to marry a lightskin male, so that their children would have fair skin and “good hair” , what nonsense…
@Jazmin, I think a lot of people are still very colour struck and want to be lighter because they think that is were beauty is. The trick is the to find the black people who do not have those issues.
i dont know what people really ever mean by saying people are color struck… i think the people who think that are usually to occupied with color issues and think all dark skin people should hook up with other dark skin people and if they dont they assume their color struck …i dont get it!! i never met a so called color struck person in my life..i guess you people go by just looking at people as getting all your assumptions from that
Men are men and as long as they are straight and they like me…. generally i like them.
@LOL @ as long as they are straight.
no comment – im a man lol
I’m American but I do agree with your assessment of how the black community treats light skin black men, like the are pretty or emasculated. I’ve been laughed at for dating or being attracted to light skin men. There also seems to be the assumption that light skin guys are players. The standard seems to be that dark men are considered more masculine, dark women are not desirable, light men are effeminate and light women are the feminine ideal. This is obviously pure colorism and bullshit. I feel I admire good looking men of all shades. Although I admit to not liking light eyes or hair. A guy has to be super fine like Ealy to overcome my bias in these features. I like you, thought Ealy was attractive before I even knew what his eye color was. I think it is his strong jawline that I like the most.
@LaDonna, OMG yes, there is definitely the assumption that light skinned men are players. Look at how Terrence Howard is presented in the media.
I think the thing with Ealy is like I just hate it when all people do is talk about his eye colour, and the same with Rihanna. Ealy & Rihanna were beautiful because their features are HOT, not because they have light eyes. It’s a ridiculous way to think that a black person can only be hot because they have light eyes. It really bugs me.
Terrence has definitely played several type cast roles as the player/pimp/adulterer.
The constant fawning over light eyes in the black community annoys me. If you say someone has nice/pretty eyes the automatic assumption seems to be that you are referring to someone with light eyes. As if dark brown eyes cannot be pretty. The only compliments I’ve ever received on my dark brown almond shaped eyes are from white women! In my predominately black/latino school system when ever we had superlatives like “most popular” or “prettiest eyes” it was always the person with light eyes who won.
As black people are we incapable of acknowledging our own beauty unless it comes in European form?
@LaDonna, co-sign with most of what you said. I think a lot of black people are colour struck hence they always big up light eyes because they have self hate issues. I just like the look of Michael Ealy, not because he has blue eyes but because he has a gorgeous bone structure.
And no, I think for the most part, most black people in the West are incapable of acknowledging their own beauty unless it is like you said it comes in the European form because the brainwashing was been successful.